If it’s Wednesday…I have to talk about CSI. It’s just the way of the world. And well, the whole how does my office resemble the crime lab in Las Vegas debate continues on. General consensus is that my attempts to link my director with Gil is either the wine talking or I have been smoking that cut-rate crack cocaine (which, historically, often seemed to be peddled from the parking lot of this store). Not only that, but I, it seems, do not resemble Catherine.

The perceived wisdom is: “***** is just not quirky enough for Gil Grissom - perhaps Gil's Methodist lay preaching, geography teaching brother???

No - I don't see you as a Catherine either - I don't think anyone in here is a Catherine. There are a few Grissoms and Sarahs though - possibly a few Nicks too. Catherine is the coolest character in the show - as well as having the best CSI rear to admire!!”

Somehow I think it is not only my derrierre that lets me down. Could also be the lack of past experience as a stripper. Or the cocaine habit. And we did conclude I was too quirky to be Sarah and have settled on being Greg. I’ve got the dyed hair (and it is known to be spiked) and the odd mixture of geek hobbies and strange acquaintances. And I’d like to think I specialise in having information that though useful, no one can quite understand why or how I came to possess it.

I also think Norn Iron should become the Vegas of Europe. Build giant casinos, perhaps based on American locations, and legalise gambling. Then the dreadful weather wouldn’t matter. People would be too mesmerised by the slot machines going bling, bling, bling.