kate and pansy
think about taking over the world
but instead decide to take another drink
Monday, July 05, 2004

I am certain I owe a big apology for breaking various bits of furniture over at Broom of Anger's actual residence. I am trying to block out the memories. And I still have no real concept of where it was.

Then I know there must be a way of linking this page with say another page I would be creating so you wouldn't have to read a great big long post from me unless you wanted to. But I haven't figured it out yet. So, if you don't want my long, angst-filled ramblings, look away now.

I have one great romance in my life. Surprisingly enough, if isn't the H who I do adore, who manages to survive my occasional high maintenance moments, who often cooks for me, gives me back rubs and thinks I am pretty nifty. I do like the H but it isn't the grand passion that quite often consumes too much of my life. No, the whole giggles to much, writes over the top mash notes, spends too long thinking about, can just be made blissfully happy of being in the same room, that relationship is with a friend. When it is good, it is of course very, very good. But when it is bad, I am sure I don't have to draw you a picture.

Indeed, one of the reasons I love the H is his complete un-neurosis. I figure I can do the whole bad mental health cul-de-sacs for the both of us if not the entire family. If I had to put up with the ups and downs of happiness, passion, feelings of love, commitment, worthiness, the worries of life, happiness and all the rest, that relationship, my marriage would have burnt out by now.

My great romance is having one of its cyclical downturns. It is a bit early to tell whether this is a big downturn or simply a small blip. However, the signs are ominous. I begin to wonder if it is all worth it. What is the price of passion. And when do I decide to stop paying it. But then of course the flip side is shouldn't you have to work at the hard stuff. Shouldn't I expect that life isn't always sunshine and roses. Don't I need to hone my compromise skills, my ability to think of other skills. To try and not make snap judgments. To not let people down. To be consistent. I don't have any answers. Just a whole lot of thoughts chasing around my head like those proverbially bags of weasels. Thoughts (blogs) starting out at one point and just wandering off in strange directions as I try to at least find a bit of peace in my own head about my own life.

Also saw Shrek 2 at the weekend. Thanks to the wonders of counterfeiting and the economic activities of paramilitaries, the blessing had already seen the flick before it even opened her. Hey, don't blame me. I buy my videos from places like Amazon and Big W. I might have enjoyed it more if I wasn't hungover, hadn't hurt myself in the whole let's drink too much because we are just so goddamned nervous, and didn't have the blessing crawling all over me.

posted at 4:30 AM

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Just like the state of nature, nasty, brutish and short...I was always fond of the nickname 'Craxi'...Sometimes I cook, sometimes I tend bar, sometimes I even knit. Mostly I try not to read the plethora of government publications that cross my desk and write one page summaries.
favorite food: lobster. ben and jerry's ice cream
favorite show: CSI
favorite drink: grey goose vodka (with ice, it doesn't need anything else)
age: far older than I like to admit/contemplate

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